Romantic Resonance

Notion - For some places find their own place in your heart

Song - Internal Struggle - Grey's Anatomy (followed by Chasing Cars - The Wind & The Wave)

8 years ago today, something romantic happened to me - romantic here being used not as its primary meaning. I didn't fall in love and no, sadly, no one fell in love with me either but still it was a surreal and sweetly pleasant happenstance.

I was supposed to make a choice that would drastically change my personal and professional life as I knew it then. And I had made a choice quietly in my mind and spoken it out loud too. But spoken out loud only to my manager who would see it through and set things in motion. I returned home and made no mention of it to my roommate or any of my friends or back home to family. "Guess you are moving to the US, eh?" I thought to myself. And more specifically, to Seattle for work. 

"Are you sure?", I could hear myself asking myself faintly. 

But there was no way to be sure if that was the right choice. After all, it was only 3 months ago that I had almost made up my mind to quit my IT job and change my life entirely by taking up the Teach For India Fellowship. But that did not happen and I was back to my desk with an opportunity that most IT professionals look forward to - 'onshore role'. I tried reasoning my emotions but I couldn't figure out what was it that I felt exactly. So I brushed all those thoughts aside, got done for the day and plumped on the bed to watch some series. Mind you, this was 2011 so it had to be a downloaded series and not a streamed one.

I was obsessed with Brothers & Sisters back then but had already caught up to the latest episodes. Hardly anyone knew that series or I knew hardly anyone who had watched it. So when someone who had seen it recommended Grey's Anatomy to me, I knew I would like it. And GA by then had surely been famous enough to be a known drama series. And therefore I opened the Season 1 folder on my hard-disk.

Cosy in the Rocket kicked off the episode and all of a sudden there was the Space Needle on the screen. Now you see, I did not even have the faintest idea that GA was supposed to be based out of Seattle. I had been meaning to start watching GA for many days but to have chosen that very day to start watching it? I had to take that as a sign, and I certainly did so. But maybe a little too seriously and with that began a romantic journey. It took me barely two episodes to fall in love with the series (mind you it took me an entire season to like Meredith's voice!) but more so, I started falling for Seattle. For me, the US was always NYC or San Francisco or LA to that point. But now it all got clouded by the Seattle clouds. Sure, it would be difficult to live in the rain and fight the urge to commit suicide in the 'suicide city', but I would do my best. After all, the ferry rides would make everything beautiful and pleasant - simple!

But I think I saw way too much Grey's around that time for everything that followed was quite dramatic. My work visa situation had become a nightmare to an extent that it was almost as if someone was playing a prank on me. 6 months of a see-saw and I finally found out that I would not be going. I was terribly upset. I was truly looking forward to making Seattle my home already. Yes, all of it was extremely premature and ridiculous but given the circumstances of my life back then, Seattle seemed like the only solution and way forward. So when it wasn't to happen, I literally had to forget it like an ex and move on. I stopped watching GA - I know, I know but cut me some slack eh reader? Both Seattle and GA were quite special to me back then for many reasons so they both had to stay away for a while.

Life took its own turns and all of a sudden the TFI Fellowship became a part of my journey and the US had to take a back seat. Thoughts of not getting to go to the US weren't as agitating and bitter as a few months ago. So clearly I had moved on and therefore GA was back in my life. All was well, except for the fact that the world had just lost a brilliant neurosurgeon - Lexie Grey. Yes, we are now entering season 9. 

Two seasons later, rather two years later, I was heading to the US to pursue my Master's. The Fellowship had transformed me immensely, I could sense it. I was genuinely OK with things not working out this time. And maybe that is why it felt like a smooth ride than compared to before. And before I knew it, I was almost completing my education and was about to start working. To add to that, one of my closest friends was moving to the US too - to Seattle. Again, it was too surreal that the guy who saw me fret and frit over not getting to go to Seattle was inviting me to his new place in Seattle. And so after almost 4 years of an emotional saga (at least it was so in my mind!), I was finally in Seattle. Oddly, when I first lay my eyes on the Space Needle, I didn't feel the rush of emotions that I thought I would. Maybe it was just a silly obsession. After all, the series too tanked for me after Cristina's exit. Maybe I was growing up and getting over GA. But after years, the series used the two beautiful covers of Chasing Cars in that sob fest of an episode, and GA was back in my life. In all this time, I had visited Seattle often by now. Another very close friend had gotten married and moved there. Seattle almost became a second home that I frequently visited every year and every time I liked it even more. There's something about that city that's oddly familiar and comforting. I don't know if it was because of my closest friends being there or the ferry rides or the grey and green of the city. It always made me smile and I looked forward to visiting it every single time.

So when I knew it could be the last time I visit the city in a very long time, I went all the way - it just so happened that we were to take a ferry ride instead of the road. It again was a sign - a sign to be a romantic fool and just act ridiculously romantic. I went up, in the freezing cold, and stood in that wind and fixed my gaze on the Space Needle. And listened to the two songs that tied me to this city. Snow Patrol's original Chasing Cars is an incomparable song and if you love GA, it's even more special. But somehow Shonda Rhimes has managed to find and use soulful renditions by Sleeping At Last and The Wind & The Wave. My personal favourite is the one by The Wind & The Wave. Go watch the episode to find out why I like it so much. But even more so, Danny Lux's Internal Struggle track, which later started becoming a track hallmarking special moments in the series, made me smile contentedly as I listened to it and gazed at the Space Needle.

Coincidentally, at that moment in my life, I was letting go of quite a few things and was about to make yet another life-altering choice. So to have the Space Needle and songs from GA give me emotional resonance was comforting in its own way.

So here's to the city that broke my heart, mended it and comforted it. And here's to the series (only till Season 11 actually) that made me cry with joy and sadness for over a decade and gets all the due credit for the dramatics that I perform. I may have given up on it for now, but let's not forget - 

'The carousel never stops turning'