Notion - For only the heart can calm your mind
Song - Jane Ayre - Definitely Maybe
Serendipitous Serenity.
Or was it a serene serendipity?
I couldn't figure it out back then when it all happened and after a year I still can't put two and two together. But perhaps, it's acceptable that I don't figure it all out and see an algorithm or a flowchart of those events, my thoughts, my emotions.
Scary right? To experience something and not be able to analyse all of it? Scares me and soars my anxiety levels high. And that is precisely why this one moment in Sydney last year holds such a special place in my heart.
My first international trip, ever, happened when I flew to the US to pursue my post graduation. And then many followed but all just to and fro between the US and India. No matter how much I tried to plan a detour to a new country while flying back and forth between my two homes, it just never happened. So when out of nowhere, a trip to Australia became an inevitability in my mind, I was quite thrilled for my first international vacation. The trip had its set purpose and need but nevertheless, it was to be a solo international travel - something that I had always thoroughly enjoyed contemplating and dreaming.
For weeks and months, I was in that happy place of planning a vacation - and then I got smacked hard in the face. A little too real. Up until then in my life, personal and professional upheavals had been kind enough to me and had never merged. They politely took turns. But the March of 2018 had some unkind and ironic 'this-is-life' moments in store for me. For the first time in my life, I truly understood what 'go with the flow' meant - and how important it sometimes is to just go with the flow. There were so many practical and personal obstacles that it was resoundingly clear that the trip wasn't to happen. And then - serendipity.
Like clockwork, like a recently fixed and a well oiled machine, all practical hurdles stepped aside and everything fell in place. Except for me. I had withdrawn myself from the trip to such an extent, that till the night before I was to fly out, I kept treating it like a usual Thursday eve work flight. But like I said - serendipity. While my mind was coaching me to get excited about the trip, things - the most pleasant and joyous things - kept happening. A dear friend from India happened to be in Philadelphia just the day before I left for Sydney. On the flight, the unimaginable happened - I met someone interesting! Now how often does that happen on a flight! (with me, never). And throughout the trip to Sydney and Melbourne, nothing went wrong. Of course, the other constant throughout the trip was my mind full of questions, anxiety and uncertainty about my life.
Song - Jane Ayre - Definitely Maybe
Serendipitous Serenity.
Or was it a serene serendipity?
I couldn't figure it out back then when it all happened and after a year I still can't put two and two together. But perhaps, it's acceptable that I don't figure it all out and see an algorithm or a flowchart of those events, my thoughts, my emotions.
Scary right? To experience something and not be able to analyse all of it? Scares me and soars my anxiety levels high. And that is precisely why this one moment in Sydney last year holds such a special place in my heart.
My first international trip, ever, happened when I flew to the US to pursue my post graduation. And then many followed but all just to and fro between the US and India. No matter how much I tried to plan a detour to a new country while flying back and forth between my two homes, it just never happened. So when out of nowhere, a trip to Australia became an inevitability in my mind, I was quite thrilled for my first international vacation. The trip had its set purpose and need but nevertheless, it was to be a solo international travel - something that I had always thoroughly enjoyed contemplating and dreaming.
For weeks and months, I was in that happy place of planning a vacation - and then I got smacked hard in the face. A little too real. Up until then in my life, personal and professional upheavals had been kind enough to me and had never merged. They politely took turns. But the March of 2018 had some unkind and ironic 'this-is-life' moments in store for me. For the first time in my life, I truly understood what 'go with the flow' meant - and how important it sometimes is to just go with the flow. There were so many practical and personal obstacles that it was resoundingly clear that the trip wasn't to happen. And then - serendipity.
Like clockwork, like a recently fixed and a well oiled machine, all practical hurdles stepped aside and everything fell in place. Except for me. I had withdrawn myself from the trip to such an extent, that till the night before I was to fly out, I kept treating it like a usual Thursday eve work flight. But like I said - serendipity. While my mind was coaching me to get excited about the trip, things - the most pleasant and joyous things - kept happening. A dear friend from India happened to be in Philadelphia just the day before I left for Sydney. On the flight, the unimaginable happened - I met someone interesting! Now how often does that happen on a flight! (with me, never). And throughout the trip to Sydney and Melbourne, nothing went wrong. Of course, the other constant throughout the trip was my mind full of questions, anxiety and uncertainty about my life.
So there I was, being an obedient tourist and sticking to my travel agenda. But it all went for a toss when I saw the Sydney Opera House and the Sydney Harbour Bridge. That day I was supposed to cover quite a few spots in Sydney, but all I did was sit, stare and take long walks. I walked from the Opera House into the Royal Botanic Gardens with just one purpose - to take a walk. Somehow I managed to walk with no thoughts in my mind and simply appreciated the views. Now, I have never been a nature person who can be overwhelmed by the beauty of the landscape. I am more of a city boy (say, what's the age-appropriate term here? I can't call myself a boy!) - give me a city that's bustling among tall buildings, has bridges that cross over a significant waterbody, and some quiet green spots in the heart of the city and I am sold. Therefore no wonder NYC, SF, Chicago, Seattle, Philadelphia, and finally Sydney topped my list of favourite cities amongst those I had visited.
I was gathering my thoughts around this epiphany about myself while walking and it was then that I came across Mrs Macquarie's Chair.
This is where it all happened. Now up until then in my life, I had always banished serendipity as a fool’s dream and had always tried my best to rationalise any otherwise serendipitous occurrences that I had experienced. But this one was hard to shake off. Surprisingly, this famous spot in Sydney did not come up in my searches. I truly just happened to stumble upon it while wandering aimlessly. And once there, I couldn’t get myself to move from there. I found a cosy spot with an amazing view just before the place started getting crowded. And I fixed my gaze on the city's backdrop - the Opera House peeking through the leaves and trees, the Harbour Bridge arching across the glistening water and the city in its entirety - as it changed its appearance through the yellows of the daylight, the magnificent orange hues of the sunset to finally the lights and sound of the Vivid festival in the starry darkness. There was nothing so extraordinary or unique about it. But it was all so entrancing and serene that I could not help but feel blessed. I had never planned to be there and yet there I was, enjoying the splendours and comforts of a life, my life - that gave me the privilege to just be and enjoy such a moment. This was the farthest I had ever travelled in my life. Was I running away from something or chasing a dream heedlessly? Yes, of course, my mind managed to get into its anxious mode even in that serendipitous serenity with such questions. But it was in this moment that all my questions, concerns, anxieties stopped seeming worrisome and simply became innocuous wonderings.
For the first time, I was able to tell myself that it's ok to not know how you reached someplace in life or how and when you will make it to a planned destination. Not all joys can be accounted for, planned for. Some just happen and you only get to be thankful for them. Eventually, I did move from there and of course, life hasn't been all a happy ride after that one serene moment - in fact, things got crazier and murkier after that trip in many ways too. But I can never forget the peace, quiet and content I found that day. I have been Master Shifu for most of my life and will continue to be so - angrily looking for my inner peace - but just for that one flickering moment I perhaps was able to be simply happy with me and my life.
But crediting Sydney for all of it would be unfair. Circumstances, dreams, and someone very special played an instrumental role in me sitting there and smiling contently. But nothing could have etched that memory stronger than the music that kept flowing through me all the time. Life should truly come with a background score and well maybe at least I imagine a background score to all hallmark moments in my life. I was searching for a track that I thought would suit that moment and I stumbled upon the Jane Ayre track from Definitely, Maybe. Serendipitously it fitted that moment aptly, despite it not being a top favourite track of mine. I remember smiling to myself and thinking, "What more proof do you need to accept serendipity?"
Life has come a long way since May 2018 and way too many things have changed too. But the calm, quiet and content of that moment blessedly stay with me. Serenity has always confounded me. But thanks to this serendipitous trip, I found a way to serenity within me. And hence the dilemma - serendipitous serenity or serene serendipity?
I was gathering my thoughts around this epiphany about myself while walking and it was then that I came across Mrs Macquarie's Chair.
This is where it all happened. Now up until then in my life, I had always banished serendipity as a fool’s dream and had always tried my best to rationalise any otherwise serendipitous occurrences that I had experienced. But this one was hard to shake off. Surprisingly, this famous spot in Sydney did not come up in my searches. I truly just happened to stumble upon it while wandering aimlessly. And once there, I couldn’t get myself to move from there. I found a cosy spot with an amazing view just before the place started getting crowded. And I fixed my gaze on the city's backdrop - the Opera House peeking through the leaves and trees, the Harbour Bridge arching across the glistening water and the city in its entirety - as it changed its appearance through the yellows of the daylight, the magnificent orange hues of the sunset to finally the lights and sound of the Vivid festival in the starry darkness. There was nothing so extraordinary or unique about it. But it was all so entrancing and serene that I could not help but feel blessed. I had never planned to be there and yet there I was, enjoying the splendours and comforts of a life, my life - that gave me the privilege to just be and enjoy such a moment. This was the farthest I had ever travelled in my life. Was I running away from something or chasing a dream heedlessly? Yes, of course, my mind managed to get into its anxious mode even in that serendipitous serenity with such questions. But it was in this moment that all my questions, concerns, anxieties stopped seeming worrisome and simply became innocuous wonderings.
For the first time, I was able to tell myself that it's ok to not know how you reached someplace in life or how and when you will make it to a planned destination. Not all joys can be accounted for, planned for. Some just happen and you only get to be thankful for them. Eventually, I did move from there and of course, life hasn't been all a happy ride after that one serene moment - in fact, things got crazier and murkier after that trip in many ways too. But I can never forget the peace, quiet and content I found that day. I have been Master Shifu for most of my life and will continue to be so - angrily looking for my inner peace - but just for that one flickering moment I perhaps was able to be simply happy with me and my life.
But crediting Sydney for all of it would be unfair. Circumstances, dreams, and someone very special played an instrumental role in me sitting there and smiling contently. But nothing could have etched that memory stronger than the music that kept flowing through me all the time. Life should truly come with a background score and well maybe at least I imagine a background score to all hallmark moments in my life. I was searching for a track that I thought would suit that moment and I stumbled upon the Jane Ayre track from Definitely, Maybe. Serendipitously it fitted that moment aptly, despite it not being a top favourite track of mine. I remember smiling to myself and thinking, "What more proof do you need to accept serendipity?"
Life has come a long way since May 2018 and way too many things have changed too. But the calm, quiet and content of that moment blessedly stay with me. Serenity has always confounded me. But thanks to this serendipitous trip, I found a way to serenity within me. And hence the dilemma - serendipitous serenity or serene serendipity?
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